"Stand"

You feel like a candle in a hurricane

Just like a picture with a broken frame

Alone and helpless

Like you've lost your fight

But you'll be alright, you'll be alright

Cause when push comes to shove

You taste what you're made of

You might bend, till you break

Cause its all you can take

On your knees you look up

Decide you've had enough

You get mad you get strong

Wipe your hands shake it off

Then you Stand, Then you stand

Life's like a novel

With the end ripped out

The edge of a canyon

With only one way down

Take what you're given before its gone

Start holding on, keep holding on

Cause when push comes to shove

You taste what you're made of

You might bend till you break

Cause it's all you can take

On your knees you look up

Decide you've had enough

You get mad, you get strong

Wipe your hands, shake it off

Then you stand, then you stand

Everytime you get up

And get back in the race

One more small piece of you

Starts to fall into place

Love for a Few Minutes Tonight

I was folding clothes and doing chores

When Pandora featured Kenny G playing “Songbird” from my computer

In the guest room.

Memories sped back to a day and time

When Mommie used to love playing her music on the stereo

In the living room

While she worked in the kitchen getting supper ready.

She loved her smooth jazz

And her blues

And her “Red Sails in the Sunset” music.

But mostly it was smooth jazz

From saxophonists or pianists and sometimes guitarists.

I stopped folding the towels

And dropped into my memory of feelings--

Splashes of light from the days

When I had her,

And I had home,

And she looked for me coming into town

Greeting me with flowers in the kitchen

And jazz softly playing from the stereo.

Back then

I felt the warmth

The security

The goodness

The togetherness of doing much of nothing.

Now it’s just me and the cat . . . and the music.

She instilled in me her love

For playing the stereo in my home

While going about cleaning or washing

Or whatever a home needs doing.

So thanks, Kenny G,

Herbie Hancock,

Chick Corea,

Dave Brubeck,

Billie Holiday,

John Coltrane, and

George Winston

to name a few.

You brought me some love

in my heart’s memory

for a few minutes tonight.

MADE IT

Made it over yesterday's fence.

It's now and not then.

Glad for now.

And then there's tomorrow's fence .....

Twelve Twelve Twelve

I should be in bed.
I'm not.
I'll pay for this tomorrow.
But today, it's OK.
I'm up living the last of some history...
12-12-12.
I like it that I'm squeezing out some of the last bit of this historic time frame.
In addition to being up,
I'm also going to celebrate by making a decision,
A very important decision,
A big decision,
A remarkable decision.
Give me a minute.....
......................
..............................
.............
....................................

.........................

........ 
.................................... There. Now. I did it.
I made that very important decision.
Very important....on 12-12-12.
Now I can get ready to go to bed.
Gotta get some sleep
So I can begin to start moving forward 
With my decision beginning on 12-13-12.
Remarkable.

Even though it was four years ago,
some days you're like,
"What happened? Hey....anybody....what happened?"

You saw it with your own eyes.
You experienced it with your own life.
You were there when everything changed.

But still
When you least expect it,
When you are goofing around
Or just lying upside down on the sofa,
You wonder to yourself and to the world,
"What happened??"

And then you get up,
Go back to eating,
Or playing,
Or sleeping, 
And get on with the mission of living.

December 7, 1935 -- November 24, 2008

Shirley Armistead Hardin Neville . . .my beloved Mom

“Death—the last sleep? No, it is the final awakening.” ~ Walter Scott

Four Years Ago Pre-T-giving Week

Four years ago this week
            We were talking about the meal
                     And planning what you'd make

And what you were going to buy from the grocery
        And what I'd make when I got there.
                                   You always got excited about Thanksgiving.

Me too.

Love you. Miss you. Thankful for you.

 

A Tear and a Smile


Everything is fast and loud and busy and full.

Except when I pause

And admire the amber light of dusk--your favorite time of day--

or

Enjoy the first little decorative Christmas trees for sale in our gift shop that I know you would be tempted to buy 

or

Run my fingers over the little diamonds in your gold cross necklace that you never took off from around your neck
or

Drop away into an imagined conversation of what I’d say if we could talk on the

phone while I drive home from work
or

Snap awake again to the steel-cold reality of my life and heart reshaping
from the inside out
and from the outside in
after you died.

I go at a fast pace a lot, enjoying the thrill of ministry connectiveness, problem solving, and being used in healing moments.

The mixture of
work and busyness, 

loss and grief, 

reinvention and spiritual renewal, 

and the sheer fact of missing you 

and missing our family togetherness 
is so vividly present during this season.

No matter. . .
I smile and am grateful to God so very often
because you happened.

I love you, Mommie.

Quote from Dr. Seuss:

“Don't cry because it's over,

smile because it happened.”



Remembering my beloved "Mommie" 12/7/1935--11/24/2008



"You created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb."  --Psalm 139:13